For many women, these phrases are so ingrained in everyday communication that we barely notice them. Yet the language we use can subtly shape how our confidence, authority and leadership is perceived by others.

As conversations around female leadership continue to grow, there is increasing interest in how communication influences professional success. While the idea that women use more filler words than men are often discussed, the reality is more nuanced. Research suggests it is not simply about confidence or competence. Instead, it reflects a mix of social conditioning, workplace expectations and the complex balancing act many women face between appearing competent and remaining likeable.

Why do women use filler words?

Filler words and phrases such as “just”, “sorry”, “I think”, “maybe” and “kind of” are known as linguistic hedges. They soften the statements, make requests sound less direct and reduce the perceived force of an opinion. While everyone uses these expressions, studies suggest women often use them more frequently in professional settings.

Linguist Robin Lakoff first explored this in Language and Woman’s Place (1975), arguing that women are socialised to communicate more politely, indirectly and collaboratively than men. Although aspects of Lakoff’s work have since been debated and expanded upon, it sparked decades of research into gendered communication and continues to influence discussions today.

More recent studies suggest that these speech patterns are not necessarily signs of insecurity. Instead, they often reflect an awareness of social expectations. Women are frequently encouraged from an early age to be accommodating, polite and relationship-focused. These habits naturally carry into adulthood and, eventually, into the workplace.

Research by psychologist Alice Eagly on Social Role Theory supports this perspective, suggesting that society often expects women to display communal qualities such as warmth, empathy and cooperation, while men are more often associated with assertiveness and authority. As a result, women may consciously or unconsciously soften their language to align with these expectations.

The apology habit

Another common communication pattern is the tendency to apologise unnecessarily. Many women instinctively begin conversations with phrases such as “Sorry to bother you”, “Sorry if this is a silly question” or “Sorry for the delay”, even when no apology is needed.

Research from the University of Waterloo found that women apologise more frequently than men, not because they are inherently more apologetic, but because they tend to have a lower threshold for what they perceive as requiring an apology. In other words, women are more likely to view minor inconveniences or social disruptions as something worth acknowledging.

While apologies can demonstrate empathy and emotional intelligence, habitual apologising can unintentionally undermine authority. Replacing unnecessary apologies with expressions of gratitude often creates a stronger impression. For example, saying “Thank you for your patience” instead of “Sorry I’m late” shifts the focus from perceived fault to appreciation.

Confidence or conditioning?

It is easy to assume that filler words reflect a lack of confidence, but this oversimplifies the issue. Many highly successful female leaders consciously use softer language to encourage collaboration, invite discussion or create psychological safety within teams.

Research by organisational psychologist Adam Grant suggests that humble leadership and collaborative communication can strengthen trust, engagement and innovation. Similarly, Amy Edmondson’s work on psychological safety highlights that leaders who create environments where people feel comfortable speaking up often encourage better team performance.

Rather than signalling weakness, softer language can sometimes be a deliberate leadership choice. The challenge arises when these habits become automatic and unintentionally diminish the clarity or authority of an important message.

The double bind women face

Perhaps the most significant challenge is that women are often judged differently from men when they communicate in similar ways.

Research by Alice Eagly and Steven Karau on Role Congruity Theory found that women in leadership frequently experience a “double bind”. If they communicate too gently, they may be perceived as lacking authority or confidence. If they communicate too assertively, they risk being viewed as unlikeable, aggressive or difficult.

This creates a difficult balancing act. Men who speak directly are often praised for being decisive and confident, whereas women displaying the same behaviours may receive more negative evaluations. Numerous studies on gender bias in leadership have consistently demonstrated that perceptions of leadership remain influenced by longstanding stereotypes about how women and men are expected to behave.

These biases are rarely intentional, yet they continue to shape hiring decisions, promotion opportunities and everyday workplace interactions.

Becoming more intentional in how we communicate

The goal is not to eliminate every filler word or apology. Warmth, empathy and collaborative communication are valuable leadership strengths. Instead, the aim to become more intentional about when and why we soften our language.

One practical exercise is to spend a week noticing repeated phrases in emails, meetings and conversations. Words such as “just”, “maybe” or “I think” often appear automatically without adding meaning. Removing them can make messages clearer while still sounding authentic.

Another useful habit is embracing silence. Many people use filler words because they uncomfortable with pauses. Taking a brief moment to think before responding often projects greater confidence than filling every silence with unnecessary words.

Where possible, replace apologetic language with appreciative language. Swapping “Sorry to chase” for “Thank you for your time” or “Sorry to interrupt” with “May I add something?” communicates respect without diminishing confidence.

Finally, focus on certainty where appropriate. Instead of saying “I just think maybe we could…”, try “I recommend…” or “I’d suggest…”. Small changes in wording can have a significant impact on how ideas are received.

Authentic leadership is about choice

The conversation around filler words is not about telling women to communicate more like men. Nor is it about policing language or removing warmth from leadership. Effective communication comes in many forms, and authenticity should never be sacrificed for the sake of sounding more authoritative.

Instead, awareness is key. Understanding why these habits exist allows leaders to make conscious decisions about how they communicate, ensuring their expertise, ideas and leadership are heard as clearly as they deserve.

As more women step into leadership roles and build visible personal brands, the way they communicate will continue to influence not only how they are perceived but also how they inspire and empower others. Finding a communication styles that feels both authentic and confident is not about changing who you are – it is about ensuring your voice carries the impact it deserves.